Overtones of Discordant Melody
by Gigabomb
Summary: Sound stories, not necessarily canon. Not necessarily good. Not necessarily anything.
1. Cloud Watching

Author's Notes: Because Kidoumaru and Shikamaru should play boardgames together, since no one else wants to.

This was the third time in a week she had caught Kidoumaru staring at the clouds. If she truly cared about her teammate's psyche, Tayuya might have been worried, but as it was, she was just irritated. The most intelligent of her comrades had been acting strangely ever since their short side trip to Konoha. Kidoumaru had wandered off as he always did when he couldn't stand the arguments between herself and the twins any longer, but this time it had taken six hours for him to return.

It was with their return to Otogakure that the cloud watching had started. At random points in the day, Tayuya had come upon her dark-skinned teammate lying on his back and gazing up at the sky, not moving. Never before in their long acquaintance had Kidoumaru ever been 'not moving.' Even if he wasn't physically walking around, Kidoumaru was always doing _something_. And now he wasn't.

It was at the end of the week that Tayuya's patience ran out. Once again, she caught her comrade on his back, and instead of stepping over him as had become her habit, she kicked him in the ribs.

"Ow! Damn it, Tayuya, what the hell?"

"That's what I want to know. Did you get brain damaged in the Leaf Country and just forget to mention it to the rest of us, because that's all I can think of that would explain this new hobby of yours."

Kidoumaru gazed down at his hands, looking slightly embarrassed. "It's kind of complicated."

"I don't give a shit. Just tell me."

"I played a game of Go with a genin while we were in Konoha."

"Yeah? So?"

"I lost."

Tayuya blinked. "You _lost_? Board games are your fucking obsession. How could you lose?"

"I don't know. I just did. And I asked him what he did to become so good, and he told me 'I look at clouds.'"

"That's it? Some loser genin who sounds like even more of a retard then you tells you to look at clouds, and you just do it? What the fuck is wrong with you? That's the most pathetic story I've ever heard."

"Well, it seems to work. I beat Orochimaru-sama at chess yesterday."

Cloud watching as a path to genius. If that was the secret to life, no wonder everyone seemed to lack a brain stem. It just wasn't worth it. Who in hell wanted to look at clouds all day?

"I thought looking at clouds was pretty boring at first, but they are kind of pretty. . ."

"Go fuck yourself." And Tayuya left the (supposedly) most intelligent of her teammates to his questionable activity in pursuit of a drink. Who cared if she was underage. No way in hell she was prepared to deal with anymore shit after something so fucking weird.


	2. Social Ignorance

Author's Notes: Because Sakon and Tayuya need to plot together more.

They all had gender issues, one way or another. The twins were just the most obvious. It almost made sense, what with Tayuya growing up solely around boys and the twins being raised by women and Kidoumaru and Jiroubou having to look after themselves from day one. Society had never impressed itself on any of them, and Orochimaru-sama's obvious lack of care regarding social taboos didn't do much to turn the five of them into functional people who wouldn't stand out like sore thumbs anywhere outside of Otogakure. Here they were the norm, which suited them just fine.

That being said, their respective quirks still pissed each other off, just not for the usual reasons. When Sakon took too long in the morning to put on his makeup, everyone got irritated because they only had one bathroom to share (Kimimaro had his own of course, the fucker). Only Jiroubou noticed when Tayuya hit a wrong note in practicing on her flute and swore like the apocalypse had arrived, and no one particularly cared that Kidoumaru spent most of his free time with a loom and some thread. They had executed the last cook after it had been discovered he was an agent for the Stone come to assassinate Orochimaru-sama, and after that it had just been less hassle for Jiroubou to take over. No one gave a shit as to why Kimimaro insisted wearing his hair in braids. He wasn't one of them. Of course, all that meant was that he was fair game.

"So Jiroubou, what's for breakfast today?" Kidoumaru grinned over from his seat near the windowsill.

"Sausage and eggs. Any idea what Sakon and Tayuya are doing?"

"Improving their booby-trapping skills."

"Their what?"

A sudden piercing scream wordlessly answered Jiroubou's question.

Kidoumaru grinned. "Do the words 'Kimimaro stole Sakon's shampoo' and 'pink dye' mean anything to you?"

". . . I'll get the details after Kimimaro stops killing them."


	3. Mirror Distortion

Author's Notes: Because the twins are cute, but they are not the same person.

Sakon couldn't remember a time when he and Ukon were apart. Their bond had always been encouraged. First by their parents, what little Sakon could remember of them, because family loyalty was important and they were all their parents had. Second by the dark woman, whom they had been sold to after their father's health failed and their uncle needed money to invigorate the family's business, because beautiful twins were ever so much more exotic and valuable when they were together. Last by Orochimaru-sama, after they had killed the group of thieves who had murdered everyone else in their troupe and he had taken them in, because they fought like one warrior and half a fighter was worse then none. Sakon really couldn't have cared less about the details, because no one ever tried to separate him and his brother and that was all that mattered.

They weren't one person though, no matter how it appeared that they were each other staring through a looking glass. Ukon was the elder brother. Sakon was the younger. This might have meant something slightly ominous if their family hadn't traded them for gold like cattle, but with nothing to inherit, there was no need for contention. Ukon was the protector, and Sakon was protected. No matter how hard they tried to appear equal to outsiders so no one could spot a weak link and exploit it, that was the way things were. Neither minded. They were too much a part of each other to ever be resentful for long.

There lives made up a careful balancing scale. Ukon was the wiser, but he needed Sakon's ease with people to even try to function. Sakon couldn't keep his bravado without the knowledge that his brother would always be there to back him up. He found himself withering under Tayuya's insults or Kimimaro's cold stares when his brother wasn't in the room, and Ukon didn't even try to hold up a conversation unless Sakon was there to finish it. No one ever noticed, because where one twin was, so was the other. Both Sakon and Ukon made sure of that.

Tayuya was a challenge, one only Sakon ever bothered to meet. Ukon found her irritating, but he allowed his brother the enjoyment he received from the constant verbal sparring with their sole female comrade, the only somewhat-friendly fighting of siblings that the younger twin couldn't satisfy with his own blood.

Jiroubou was too quiet for Sakon's liking, but Ukon enjoyed the silence. Unlike the others, Jiroubou never insisted on interaction, and only with him could Ukon feel normal without his brother.

Kidoumaru was a strange mix that both twins found intriguing. Cautious and foolhardy all at once, he was considered both the most sensible and reckless of them all, but the latter only showed when the dark-skinned shinobi was risking only himself. Kidoumaru had started out with nothing, and would not endanger what little he had gained. He appealed to them, but for completely different reasons. Sakon appreciated a counterpart to his most ill-advised doings, and Ukon welcomed a fellow guardian. Sometimes it was nice to have someone else look after the idiots.

The one person Sakon and Ukon could agree on was Kimimaro, because neither of them could forgive one who had hurt their precious person. Neither of them ever forgot. And in that, the twins would always be unified. Kimimaro might have been the future container to Orochimaru-sama's dream, but loyalty to family always came first. Always.

Some childhood lessons stayed embedded longer then others.


	4. Lethal Admiration

Author's Notes: You have to figure the Sound Trio knew the Sound Five. Sure, they didn't know about Kabuto, but he was a spy. The Sound Five are Orochimaru's bodyguards. They knew each other. Hell, they're even the same age. There had to be some interaction.

Kin had always admired Tayuya, but never told anyone. Of course not. The fire-haired kunoichi was a bare four months older then herself, and who would ever admit to venerating a peer? Not anyone with any sense, even though Zaku might have understood, seeing as he had a crush on Tayuya that he had likewise never told anyone about (Kin had noticed anyway, of course. Zaku wasn't subtle, or even very bright, and couldn't hide anything). But probably not. Crushes were acceptable. Admiration was not.

It wasn't for her power, even though Tayuya could take on Dosu and Zaku at the same time and still come out totally uninjured. If Kin wanted to look up to someone for their ninjutsu skills, she would have chosen Kimimaro, with his advanced bloodline and deceptive grace.

It wasn't for her intelligence, even though Tayuya was undeniably a good strategist. Kidoumaru was smarter, was better able to change to his tactics midway through a fight and never bat an eyelash. He could easily beat anyone at chess in Otogakure and had several times, which was why no one played the dark-skinned shinobi anyone except Orochimaru-sama.

It wasn't for her beauty, because Tayuya might have been attractive, but Kin knew herself to be equally so. Looks were nothing to admire someone for.

Tayuya was respected. She was considered an equal by her teammates, because she never gave them time to think her inferior. Kin watched with envy as Tayuya blatantly insulted Jiroubou, the larger shinobi not even flinching, but a fight ensuing anyway between the kunoichi and one of her comrades, because Sakon could never stay out of anything. But it was an argument between peers, both equally angry, both equally arrogant. Tayuya wasn't patronized or talked to condescendingly, because anyone who did soon found themselves with a broken nose and missing a few teeth. Kin wanted that confidence. She wanted that respect, the regard that neither of her comrades gave her because she was a girl, and unlike Tayuya, she hadn't proved that it didn't matter. But Kin knew she would, soon enough. The Chuunin Exams were coming up, and her team was the one being sent. It was there that Kin would show her worth, and gain the respect that she so desperately wanted.

Kin didn't think about why Tayuya's team wasn't being sent instead, even though Kidoumaru was smarter and the twins were faster and Tayuya was definitely a better shinobi then her, because Kin had something to prove, and she couldn't let doubts get in her way. She couldn't doubt herself, because then she would prove what Dosu and Zaku were thinking all along, and Kin wouldn't let herself fail. Not now. Not ever again.


	5. A Day in the Life

Author's Note: This drabble takes place in an A/U setting where none of the Sound Five died retrieving Sasuke, because it's a lot more interesting to imagine what went on during the two and half year time jump if the Uchiha had more people then Kabuto and Orochimaru to interact with.

The scene was an interesting one to watch. Kimimaro was almost a head taller then Sasuke, but less sturdy, and either way the Uchiha managed to give the impression of being of equal height to the older boy. The Kaguya prodigy's eyes were colder, but the Sharingan burned. Either way, they almost seemed to cancel each other out whenever there was an encounter between Orochimaru's former container and his current one. This was often. To say the least, Kimimaro and Sasuke didn't like each other, basically because of the same issue they happened to be on opposite sides on. Kimimaro thought Sasuke was disrespectful. Sasuke thought Kimimaro was a gullible suck up. The argument got tired after about a day, but it was always entertaining to see what new insults the two could come up with, since they had been specifically forbidden to fight. Considering the parties involved, a sparring match could all too easily turn into an 'accident.'

According to the laws of probability, Sasuke, being Orochimaru's favorite, should have had more ammo to back up his arguments, but he all too often lost his temper and stormed off before Kimimaro even became slightly agitated. The twins had a running bet going between themselves. With it being Sasuke twenty-seven, Kimimaro forty by the end of the first month, Ukon had victoriously taken his younger brother's 'secret' stash of peanut butter cups with glee.

Watching Sakon stare gloomily at the floor as Ukon devoured the last of the treasure trove, Kidoumaru couldn't help but sigh over his cards. "You know, I think our gambling would be a lot more exciting if we actually had money."

Tayuya snorted and picked up three cards from the deck. "Seeing as we don't get paid, that kind of makes it difficult. I'll see your Twinkie and raise you a fun-sized Snickers bar."

"Geez, our poker games even _sound_ lame. . ."

A sudden explosion made everyone wince as Jiroubou's chocolate soufflé toppled over where it cooled on the counter, but all the large shinobi did was sigh and go back to his book. His food was ruined far too often by his teammates for it to bother him for long. Tayuya, on the other hand, had no ability to accept anything gracefully. It showed.

"What the fuck are those two doing now?"

Kidoumaru shrugged. "Orochimaru-sama let Sasuke in on his 'secret' cupboard of exotic coffees. Kimimaro didn't. . . react well."

"Don't do that quotations thing with your fingers. It's fucking annoying and everyone knows nothing's really secret around here. And who gives a shit about coffee anyway? I didn't think the brat even drank the stuff."

"Well, he does now."

Licking his fingers clean of the last of the chocolate, Ukon gave his teammates a smirk. "You guys have got to admit, Sasuke may be an annoying little dwarf-"

Sakon finally glanced up from the floor to stare at his brother. "Ukon, he's half an inch taller then us. He's grown since he got here."

"Emotional, mental dwarf. Whatever. As I was saying, annoying little dwarf, but he certainly pisses off Kimimaro. That alone makes him worth keeping around."

Tayuya snorted. "Like we could get rid of him if we wanted to."

Kidoumaru tossed his cards into the center, revealing a straight with a grin before tossing his winnings in a pile to the side. "I like him."

Another explosion shook the room. One of the windows cracked.

"If you like the brat so much, you can foot the repair bills, you freak."

"We don't get paid, remember?"

"Just. . . shut up."

They started up another card game, this time with the twins participating. Jiroubou didn't shift from his position on the couch. The room was a mess, but they were Sound-nins. Wholesale destruction wasn't anything new.


	6. Ties That Bind

Author's Note: Because it has been on my mind for a while that Sakon was a hypocrite and he didn't even know it.

"You lied to Sasuke-sama, you know."

Sakon looked up from the stone jutsu scroll he was reading to stare at his older brother. "What are you talking about, Ukon? I haven't even spoken to Orochimaru-sama's little protégé today. When did I have time to lie to him?"

From his perch of the end of Sakon's bed, Ukon shrugged. He was still wearing that ridiculous fur coat he had gotten in that fight with the kid and his dog over a month ago. Sakon hated that coat. "It wasn't recently. Just something that's been on my mind for awhile. When we first met him. Back in Konoha."

Sakon cast his mind back to his memory of that encounter. He couldn't recall ever saying anything untruthful. As far as he could remember, he had in fact been rather brutally honest. "I give up. When?"

"You told him his bonds made him weak. You of all people should know better then that."

"I didn't even know you were awake then."

Ukon shrugged. "I'm always awake. I just don't… want to bother."

And that pretty much epitomized Ukon. Not wanting to bother. With people, mostly, because Ukon probably trained more than himself. It was for that reason that almost everyone considered them one person, one personality. Probably one soul. There was a popular rumor in Otogakure that Ukon was just some bunshin that wouldn't dissipate when hit. Their team knew better, of course, but no one else did. Not Kabuto, and not Kimimaro. Orochimaru-sama probably did, but that was only because he insisted that they report to him separately.

Sakon finally closed his eyes with a sigh and lay back on the bed. "It wasn't a lie. His friendship with those people kept him from getting any stronger."

"You're trying to tell me that learning from the Copy-nin and training with that kage bunshin guy bogged him down? You can't honestly believe that to be true. Besides, considering how badly we all fight when apart, isn't our team proof enough that close bonds are the key to true strength? Aren't we?"

"It's not the same."

"Why?"

Sakon opened his mouth. Then he closed it. Why was it not the same? He didn't have any idea. It just _was_. "We were made to protect each other, Ukon. We can't fight well when we're not together. We never could, even though our training allegedly makes us independently capable. You've always watched my back-"

"-as I've watched yours. Who's to say that Sasuke-sama isn't the same?"

"He's got those damned eyes of his. The Uchiha are supposed to battle alone. Who needs someone behind you when your vision is three-hundred sixty degrees?"

Ukon smiled softly. "That's a stupid reason, little brother."

Sakon conceded the argument with a scowl. "So I lied. Big deal. It got him here, didn't it? If he's so desperate for comrades, he's got us now. And we're way better then those pathetic little brats he left behind."

"True enough." Gracious in victory, Ukon pushed up from the bed and walked over to their bookcase, picking out one of the scrolls at random. He settled himself on the windowsill looking out over the woods. "Just keep that in mind the next time you think about insulting his friends, little brother. Some bonds don't break as cleanly as it looks."


	7. A Peaceful Moment

Tayuya had always been known to be somewhat unpredictable. However, when she stalked into the Sound common room (a combination of a kitchen, library and an assortment of broken furniture) and slammed her fist through the only wall facing the outside, even Ukon startled awake from his drowsing position on the couch. As soon as Tayuya was certain everyone's eyes were upon her, she made her announcement.

"Just in case any of you fuckers didn't know, I hate you all." And it was on that note that she stomped back out of the room she had entered mere seconds earlier. For a few moments, there was a bemused silence.

It was Sakon who broke it. "What the hell was that about?"

Jiroubou looked up from his deep and soulful grieving (the soufflé had been perfect, damn it!) with a resigned shrug. "PMS."

With everyone's questions thus answered, the male members of the Sound Four immediately went back to what they had previously been doing. Except Kidoumaru. He of course was the one stuck with fixing the hole in the wall, as it reportedly was supposed to storm in a few hours. It occasionally sucked to be the only one of the group who had any proficiency with tools.


	8. Improbable Dilemma

Author's Note: Because I love to torture my favorite characters.

Kankuro always hated cleaning his puppets after missions, Kuroari especially. Karasu could be wiped down with some soap and water and maybe some vinegar, but the capturing puppet usually required immersion in a tub of lye just to get the stains out. Especially this time, now that the puppet had two bodies' worth of blood soaking it instead of just one.

Kuroari was somewhat new to his repertoire of puppets, but even so, every time Kankuro had opened him up in the past, all that he ever came across was a corpse, so of course it was startling when he wrenched the capture puppet open to find out one of the bodies was still breathing. It didn't take long to see why, since the dead inhabitant of the puppet had covered the other and taken almost all of Karasu's blades, only allowing two through, one straight through the living victim's leg and the other through his side. Both deep, both painful, both of which would probably kill the guy eventually if the blood didn't stop flowing, but neither immediately lethal.

For Kankuro, this was an entirely new situation. What did one do with an opponent who wasn't in immediate danger of dying but was most definitely unconscious and not a threat? Kankuro suspected the answer was 'kill him,' but he wasn't, say, Gaara, and quite frankly, at this point running the Sound-nin through would probably be a favor. Kankuro didn't do people favors. So instead he pulled both bodies out of Kuroari, tossed the corpse to one side, and set about bandaging the living one.

The puppeteer had been hard-pressed during the battle to tell his two opponents apart, except that the one he was trying to keep from bleeding to death had a necklace on and the other didn't, but he was fairly sure that this Sound-nin was the one who had fallen for Karasu, since he was also bleeding from a number of deep rents in his arms. All in all, the Sound-nin certainly wasn't ever going to be as pretty as he had been two hours ago, which really wasn't much of a loss. Kankuro smirked, and addressed his unconscious patient. "Heh, maybe now everyone will be able to tell you're a guy." The puppeteer, of course, received no answer.

When he trudged back home an hour later with the pretty-boy slung over one shoulder, Temari could only stare at him. "Kankuro, who the hell is that?"

"I was a little sloppy. One of my opponents survived, and I thought 'hey, why not take advantage of the situation and give Temari an early birthday present?'"

Temari raised one eyebrow. When she finally spoke, her tone was flat. "Birthday present."

"Yeah. Dad always planned on giving you a boy-toy once you hit seventeen, but since he's never going to get around to it, here." He pushed the Sound-nin into his sister's arms. "Happy birthday. And don't worry, he's more than pretty enough. Once he's cleaned up he'll look more like a girl than you."

"Kankuro…"

"Do you know where I could find Baki-sensei? Any of us could kick this guy's ass, but we should probably seal off some of his chakra just so he can't leave or kill off any of the servants."

Temari glanced down at the unconscious body in her arms. Bloody and bruised as he was, the boy definitely was beautiful. Baki-sensei would probably kill him if neither she nor Kankuro insisted otherwise. And, well… she had always had a thing for high cheekbones. "He's in the third living room."

Kankuro grinned.


	9. Sound Five at Hogwarts Preview

Author's Note: Because crack is fun. Keep in mind, I've only read through the Harry Potter books once, so if you expect this to conform to Fifth Book canon very well, you've got another thing coming.

Sakon had always known Orochimaru-sama had a bit of an obsession when it came to researching all types of obscure magic, but he'd never expected to get so involved in it. Well, not just him, really. Somehow all of the Sound Five had been roped into their master's weird plan. Sakon had yet to see the value of learning western jutsu techniques since Japan was already known as the premier country when it came to battle magic, but when Orochimaru-sama said every type of jutsu, he _meant_ every type of jutsu. Even the stupid ones. Some of the techniques in the books they'd been issued after Orochimaru-sama shipped them off to a European magic academy were absolutely useless. Who the hell in their right mind would invent a jutsu that made someone turn blue?

What absolutely took the cake, however, was the way westerners cast their spells. They used sticks. Why anyone would want to rely on something so flimsy as the source of all their power was completely beyond Sakon, but the Five had been forced to get those too. Of course, Kidoumaru (the idiot) thought the whole experience was absolutely hilarious, but no one else had been amused.

And now, here they were, at 'Swine Skin Disfigurement' Academy (God, who named these places?), after a three hour train ride consisting of Kidoumaru practicing his English and Jiroubou trying to figure out why westerners liked to eat grass and snot, not to mention Kimimaro's sulking and Tayuya's general surliness. And now they were to be 'sorted.' No one had ever properly explained what that meant.

Sakon couldn't help but fidget a bit when the leader of the school, Dumbledore-sama, stood up and the entire room fell silent. Next to him, Ukon scowled. Orochimaru-sama had forbidden them to combine while they were in Europe. He had even made Kidoumaru hide his arms with a henge, because he didn't want any of them to attract 'undue attention.'

Finally, Dumbledore-sama spoke. "Today I have the pleasure of introducing to you our new exchange students. This is an excellent chance to improve magical relations between the western and eastern countries, and I hope you will make them feel at home, for they are a long way from theirs."

Every single pair of eyes shifted to the Five. Ukon scowled even deeper, and Tayuya soon joined him. Kimimaro's face went stony. Jiroubou didn't take his eyes off the ground. Even Kidoumaru sobered up as his discomfort with being the center of attention came to the forefront.

Dumbledore-sama, fortunately, soon drew everyone's attention back towards himself, and Sakon let out a sigh. "Now then, will Jiroubou please approach the stool?"

----

"Great. First Umbridge, now this."

"Ron, don't be ridiculous. This is a momentous occasion. Japan's magical community cut itself from the rest of the world centuries ago. To have Japanese wizards come to England is practically unprecedented."

"Yeah? So?"

It was then that Hermione went into what was widely known as her 'lecture mode.' "Japanese wizards are famous for how they use their magic almost exclusively for healing and battle. They don't have everyday spells, but this narrow focus has allowed them to become far more advanced than the rest of the world when it comes to the art of war. In case you didn't notice, Ron, right now we're in the middle of a war. Think of what they could teach us!"

The red-haired boy rolled his eyes. "In case _you_ didn't notice, Hermione, these great battle wizards are a bunch of kids. You heard Dumbledore. The oldest is Ginny's age. It may be a historical occasion and all that, but I doubt it's going to help us much against You-Know-Who."

"Only you could be so blasé about this, Ron."

"Harry doesn't care either, do you Harry?"

Harry Potter, who had only been half paying attention to his friends' squabbling, gave a small shrug. "I don't know you guys… I have a weird feeling about this."

It was then that the rather overweight boy, Jiroubou, put the Sorting Hat on his head and was soon announced to be a Hufflepuff. Ron snickered. "Okay, who didn't see that one coming?"

"Ron!"

"What? It's true. The fat kids always end up in Hufflepuff. It's practically a school tradition." Kaguya, Kimimaro was next. "This one's a Slytherin for sure. See how stuck up he is?"

"Ron, your blatant stereotyping is ridiculous-"

"A knut says he's a snake."

When ten seconds later, Hufflepuff was again announced to the room, Ron's mouth dropped open and Hermione gave a rather smug smile. "So much for your predictions, Ron."

Ron wasn't listening. "What the bloody hell? He's a pretty boy. Since when do pretty boys land in Hufflepuff?"

"You shouldn't judge by appearances, Ron."

As the dark boy, Kidoumaru, walked up to the stool, it wasn't his House Ron was concerned about. "You sure this kid is Japanese? He looks black to me."

"His eyes are slanted. Might be half and half. So, what do you think about this one, Ron? Gryffindor because we're all so unbiased and accepting of differences?"

"Oh, haha, very funny. But this one's a Ravenclaw. He has way too many books in his bag for the beginning of the year to be anything else."

It took them several minutes to find out, as the Sorting Hat seemed to be taking its sweet time in making a decision. When Gryffindor was announced, the Hat sounded slightly unsure, but as always, the decision was final.

"You're doing worse now then you usually do on Potions tests, Ron. Thirty-three percent. You're not even passing."

"Hey, the Hat was hesitating. The other choice was Ravenclaw. You know it was!"

The dark-skinned boy slid off the stool slowly and picked up his bag, looking dejected as he walked over to their table.

"Bet he wanted Ravenclaw."

"Will you get off it, Ron? He's a foreigner. What could he know about the Houses?"

"You knew plenty when you came."

"That's different…" It was then that the boy came within hearing range, and Hermione automatically brightened her smile. "Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Hermione Granger, this is Ron Weasley, Dean Thomas is on your left…" Dean waved, "and this is…" It was then that Hermione hesitated. She knew how much Harry hated it when people stared, but she gamely pushed on, "And this is Harry Potter. Always good to have another Gryffindor." For a moment, everyone waited for the transfer student's reaction to the name of the Boy-Who-Lived. When nothing absolutely happened besides the Japanese boy giving a weak nod to the table at large before sitting on the far corner of the bench and turning around to move his gaze to the Sorting Hat as the boy Sakon put it on his head, the Gryffindors looked at each other in bewilderment.

"Erm…" It wasn't that Ron particularly liked his best friend being famous. He even occasionally resented it. But still… to get absolutely no reaction at all to Harry's name was unheard of, and Ron had to admit to himself that it threw him off. "You know about Harry Potter, right?"

Kidoumaru didn't take his eyes off the Hat. "He's the dark haired boy with the glasses sitting next to you."

"Well, yes… but you know who he is, right? The Boy-Who-Lived? The guy who defeated You-Know-Who?"

It was then that Kidoumaru did turn. He looked confused. "Who?"

"You know."

"No, I don't."

"You-Know-Who! The dark wizard! The man who's trying to kill us all!"

"That's his name?"

"No, that's what we call him."

"Oh." Kidoumaru looked as if he was finally understanding something. "A moniker. Alright then. Tell me what his real name is and maybe I'll recognize it."

"I can't."

The confused look came back. "Why not?"

"Because he is He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! That's why!"

"Why can't you say his name?"

By this point, several of the older students from Ravenclaw were listening in as Ron started pulling at his hair in frustration. "You just can't!"

"How the hell am I supposed to know who you're talking about if you won't tell me who he is?"

"I just told you!"

Now the Japanese boy was getting frustrated. In the background, Sakon was announced as a Slytherin, but by this point no one was paying attention. "You haven't told me his name yet."

"That's because it can't be spoken. I've said that already."

"Why, do you get struck by lightning or something when you say it?"

"No, it's just that-"

It was then that Harry grew impatient with the whole conversation. "His name," the Boy-Who-Lived said with great gravity, "Is Voldemort." The table grew hushed.

Kidoumaru blinked. "Oh." There was a moment of silence. Distantly, Tayuya's name was called to the stool. "I'm sorry. I've never heard of him."

It was now Harry's turn to blink. "You haven't."

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"It isn't a very good name. Kind of sounds like a sneeze."

"You're kidding."

It soon became evident that Kidoumaru was quite serious. "Maybe that's why no one ever names him. He grew sick of everyone laughing when he announced himself and started insisting that people shut up about it." Half the Gryffindor table looked as if they'd been hit by something. The other half looked dazed. On the far end of the Hufflepuff table, a second year was choking on a muffin. Kidoumaru turned back around just in time to witness the Sorting Hat announce Tayuya as a Ravenclaw. "I do have a question, though. How does that Hat thing sort people?"

It took Harry a moment to process the question, as he was still trying to digest the idea of Lord Voldemort and sneeze even being remotely associated. "Er… it puts students in different Houses based on different characteristics. Gryffindor's bravery."

"What's Ravenclaw?"

"Intelligence."

"Oh, good. It might not be all that inaccurate, then. When I saw Jiroubou and Kimimaro go into the same House, I thought the thing might be defective. So what's Hufflepuff?"

"Loyalty."

"Well, that might work then."

Finally, McGonagall noticed all the noise and turned a stern eye towards the Gryffindor table. "Will you please quiet down? We still have another student to Sort." The Gryffindors quieted. McGonagall nodded, satisfied. "Now then. Will Ukon please approach the stool?"

----

_You are that other boy's older brother, correct?_

((That's right.))

_Hmmm… let's see… what House shall I put you in?_

From under the Sorting Hat's brim, Ukon watched his little brother sit on the edge of the table under the tapestry of the silver and green snake. ((Slytherin.))

_You aren't very ambitious._

An older boy with blond hair kept glancing over in Sakon's direction and whispering to his companions, two larger boys who looked short on brains but inclined towards hurting people. ((I want Slytherin.))

_No… I am sorry, young man, but you're not nearly as driven as your younger brother. _

One of the two large boys stood up and walked over to where Sakon was sitting, placing an oversized hand on the smaller boy's left shoulder. Ukon's eyes narrowed as his little brother's teeth gritted in an effort to ignore the foreigner. ((I'm not going anywhere but Slytherin.))

_Your determination to protect your brother is admirable, but it really puts you more in the realm of, say, Hufflepuff, or perhaps Gryffindor-_

((If you put me in a different House than my brother, I will tear you into shreds. And then I will murder every single person who is sitting within ten feet of Sakon.))

The Hat paused. _I do believe I am magically enchanted to be resistant to cutting. _

As his minion's efforts failed, the blond ringleader leaned over with a nasty smile and said something Ukon couldn't hear, but Sakon's fingers dug into the table. ((I have three kunai in my book bag which have all been sharpened with chakra.))

_Would you really kill them all? You seem a bit young to be so bloodthirsty._

((I thought you were supposed to be a mind-reader.))

_I am, but I do like to give people their privacy._

((You have my permission.))

_Alright then, if it makes you happy. _For a moment, there was a sickly silence. When the Hat finally again spoke, it sounded a bit ill. _Well… I suppose you fit the ruthless quotient well enough for **SLYTHERIN**_.

Ukon calmly put the Hat back on the stool and walked over to his new House. It was with equal composure that he approached the blond boy and said with perfect equanimity, "What do you think you are doing?"

The Slytherins, sensing a fight, huddled around them to block the view of the other Houses. The blond sneered. "Trying to figure out how two foreigners with not a drop of wizarding blood in their veins managed to make it into our House. What did you do? Sell yourself for the honor?"

"Ukon…" Sakon's voice was warning.

Ukon didn't take his eyes off the blond. "This will only take a moment, little brother. Now then, I am going to explain something to you, _gaijin_. Quite frankly, I couldn't care less who you think you are, because back where we come from, we have a very specific phrase we use to describe people like you."

The blond's sneer deepened. "And what would that be?"

Ukon calmly snapped his fingers, and with a puff of smoke, a kunai dropped into his hand, upon which Ukon immediately slammed it into the tabletop, digging it into the wood up to the hilt. The entire table grew silent. Whispers of _wandless magic_ began to float to Ukon's ears. He again turned his gaze to the blond, whose eyes had gone wide. "Easily disposable. Because on the battlefield, you wouldn't have your cronies around to protect you. I hear you foreigners have a civil war going on. Cross me, and you'll see me on the other side. We'll see what your wizarding blood does for you then, won't we?"

It was then that Ukon sat down and began spooning carrots onto his plate. Next to him, Sakon had his face buried in his hands. /_You couldn't have waited five minutes, could you?_/

Ukon smiled. /_You know how much I like to make a good first impression, little brother._/


	10. Health Concerns

Author's Note: Okay, I know this chapter is weird as all hell, but I was cut off from the internet for two days about a week ago and this was the result. This is part of my "What if the Sound Five never died?" A/U, but crackier than normal and longer.

Even if, like Kimimaro, one dismissed most of the downsides of the curse seal, there were some issues that had to be addressed. The curse seal _consumed_; it was a power supplement with a price that was often difficult to pay. It ate at the spirit, the mind, free will, none of which could be prevented even if one stopped using the curse seal altogether, but Kabuto was the physician of the Sound elite as well as being Orochimaru's adjacent, and even if he'd never possessed much of a altruistic streak, the former Leaf-nin had been medic trained and found it difficult to ignore the chance to at least slow down one detrimental aspect of the curse seal. One couldn't heal the soul, or return to a man the capability of independent thought, but as a doctor, Kabuto could certainly stop the rapid deterioration of the body. It wasn't a disease, incurable and eventually lethal, such as Kimimaro's, but a condition, permanent but treatable. The curse seal ate away all the nutrients in the body, more noticeably when in use but consistently while dormant. Mostly iron, calcium, a dangerous combination when taking into account that the Five were still children, and growing. Low calcium meant weak bones, so Kabuto prescribed milk and dairy products, forcing the genin who bought the groceries to bring back wheels of cheese and cartons of 2. Low iron was more difficult, and all of the Five, without exception, had anemia to some degree, made obvious by their bloodless fingers and pale skin, though Kidoumaru was an exception to the latter by virtue of his origins. Still, the effects could be minimized, and meat was required in every meal, even for Kimimaro, who probably would have been a vegetarian had he not been forced to become carnivorous just for the sake of his health.

One of the main concerns of the mission to retrieve Sasuke from the Leaf was the unlikelihood of any of the Four getting much chance to eat, perhaps for days at a time, which would have been uncomfortable though bearable for other shinobi, but potentially deadly for possessors of Orochimaru's personal mark. For weeks beforehand, vitamins and dietary supplements had been practically shoved down their throats, treatment that would have been protested had it not the full weight of Kabuto, with Orochimaru's support, behind it. But even with such preparation, when the Five, one by one, straggled back into Otogakure, they were without exception completely ravenous. The twins came in first, Sakon leaning so heavily against his older brother that Ukon was practically carrying him. Sasuke was second, eyes blank and limping. Less than half an hour later Kimimaro returned, holding an irate Tayuya with a badly broken leg in his arms, Jiroubou trailing behind looking thoughtful. By the time Kidoumaru arrived, coughing blood and dead on his feet, most of the food was already gone, but the Five (plus Sasuke) were still at the table, arguing over who had to grill the next batch of hamburgers. It was only after the spider-nin wandered into the room and offered to eat them raw did Jiroubou reluctantly stand up, irritated that he had again been pushed into kitchen duty but unwilling to let anything be done incorrectly.

Manners were forgotten, for the most part. Sasuke, having only the day before been introduced to the full effects of the curse seal's second level, was initially disgusted by the lack of decorum, but holding back his appetite just for the sake of using utensils soon seemed like an extremely stupid idea, especially when it became apparent that it meant he would have to eat more slowly. To an outsider, the scene would have appeared surreal; all the Sound-nin looked as if they should have been in the hospital, not at the dinner table, what with Tayuya swearing at everyone to pass her the orange juice because she couldn't get up to get it with a broken leg, damn it, and having everything Sakon touched come away red from the blood on the younger twin's hands. Rank and proper behavior was momentarily discarded as Kimimaro and Jiroubou fought over the fruit salad and Ukon quietly passed Kidoumaru a handkerchief so he'd stop coughing up blood onto his leg of chicken. No one mentioned what had happened in their respective battles; just by looking around it was obvious that everyone had come off badly, and none of the Five said anything when Sasuke got up halfway through his portion of broccoli and walked into the adjoining bathroom to throw up. It was only after everyone's appetite had been satiated did it occur to anyone that it might be a good idea for someone to retrieve Kabuto, and only then because Kidoumaru fainted after his first attempt at standing. Rather predictably, knowing Kabuto, which Sasuke did not, the first thing the medic-nin did upon seeing the rather sad state of Orochimaru's personal guard was smile rather brightly and ask if they had enjoyed the imported salmon. Also predictably, only Jiroubou had anything to say about the seasoning. All the others hadn't noticed they'd been eating fish.

Sasuke had not been pleased when the next day, the first thing he'd been told to do after breakfast (milk, sausage and scrambled eggs sprinkled with parmesan) was go to Kabuto for a checkup. He was even less happy with the dietary schedule the healer handed him, which ordered regular meals and almost a complete lack of carbohydrates, which was practically the only food group the curse seal avoided. Kabuto had simply smiled at the Uchiha's protests. "You're still growing, Sasuke-kun, and the curse seal accelerates your metabolism. If you don't eat, it will have a much more drastic effect on you than it used to. You will grow accustomed to the larger food portions, eventually. I assure you, the quantity of food required to keep you healthy is significantly less than what you consumed last night."

Sasuke had never cared much about eating properly, and didn't really care now; he hadn't been told what he could and could not eat since he was eight, and to run away from the restrictions of Konohagakure only to find a totally new set of barriers in Otogakure nearly made the Uchiha apoplectic with fury. But there was nothing to be done; he could no longer ignore meals as he had back in Konoha, only eating just as much as Sasuke felt was sufficient to keep him alive. As Kabuto explained, in that patient, quiet voice of his that made Sasuke want to hit him, if he just wanted to keep up with the Five, much less catch up to Itachi, he had to keep his body in perfect working order. So in the end, all the Uchiha did was grit his teeth and snatch the sheet of restricted foods out of Kabuto's hand before walking out of the clinic to find somewhere to practice his katas.

It was once, just once, that Sasuke disregarded Kabuto's instructions. After being rather icily informed by Kimimaro that only when Sasuke could take on all the Four at once could he possibly become their leader, Sasuke soon found himself sparring with his new teammates in rotation. So far, it had been two weeks and he had only won twice, and both times were against Jiroubou, though whether this was due to the Four's greater experience or the banning of the curse seal during the impromptu fights, Sasuke didn't know, but he still found it frustrating, especially with Kidoumaru, whose overall good humor had instantly grated on Sasuke's nerves from the moment they had first exchanged words. All the twins and Tayuya did was goad him when he lost to them, but Kidoumaru insisted on giving advice, usually while they were still trying to beat on each other. Not only was it ridiculous that someone not even a year older than him thought he had something to teach, but it was extremely distracting, and more than once Sasuke lost his temper, which usually immediately precluded him losing the fight.

"You know," the spider-nin said conversationally one day while hanging upside down over the Uchiha's head while Sasuke struggled to free himself from one of the older Sound-nin's traps, "You might try one of those fire jutsus against me sometime. It's never been tried, but enchanted fire might work to burn away my webs." Sasuke glared up at Kidoumaru, but obligingly moved his hands through the requisite seals, and soon the chakra-imbued web lay in ashes around the Uchiha's feet. Kidoumaru grinned. "Great! You should do much better against me now."

Sasuke sighed. "Don't you ever get tired of handing me ways to beat you?"

The dark-skinned Sound-nin cocked his head. "Beat me?" Two sudden spurts of webbing caught the Uchiha's wrists and rather forcibly slammed him against a nearby tree. "Sasuke-sama, all I have to do is immobilize your hands and all the fire techniques in the world won't help you. But if you start dodging a little faster… then we'll see."

Despite the fact that the Uchiha knew from experience that physical strength alone couldn't free him from Kidoumaru's webs, he still struggled. Sasuke was_ angry_; it wasn't so much that the six-armed shinobi was mocking him so much as he wasn't, that he didn't even think Sasuke was worth his time to gloat over. ((I'm _not_ going to lose today.)) As the curse seal writhed over the Uchiha's skin, the bonds holding Sasuke's wrists began to dissolve. Kidoumaru watched from his position on one of the higher branches, one pair of arms crossed and looking faintly irritated.

"Sasuke-sama, you know that we specifically restricted use of the curse seal for real battles. You're just asking for it when you activate it so frivolously…" The dark-skinned Sound-nin trailed off as he watched his new commander abruptly pale. "Sasuke-sama?" Sasuke didn't answer as his eyes rolled back in his head and he rather ungracefully tumbled face-forward off his perch towards the forest floor below. Kidoumaru swore and dove after him, barely managing to catch the Uchiha before the younger boy crashed onto the tightly packed dirt and broke his neck. The spider-nin hung suspended from his webs less than two feet from the ground with Sasuke in his arms while he tried to slow down his heartbeat to normal levels, before giving a loud sigh and flipping himself upright, placing his charge on a nearby patch of grass after he found his footing. For a moment, Kidoumaru stared down at Orochimaru's newest student and wondered what the hell had happened.

When Sasuke regained consciousness ten minutes later to see Kidoumaru leaning against a nearby tree looking mad enough to kill, the Uchiha instinctually found himself grabbing for a weapon only to realize his kunai pouch was in one of the darker-skinned shinobi's hands.

When Kidoumaru finally spoke, his voice was an odd mix between furious and hysterical. "Sasuke-sama, do you have any idea what Orochimaru-sama would do to me if you were badly hurt while we were sparring? Or worse, _died_? He'd _kill_ me, and I'm not talking figuratively here. What the hell did you do to yourself that makes you faint just from just activating the curse seal to the first level?" He paused. "_Well_?"

Sasuke glowered at the older Sound-nin and attempted to push himself to his feet, stumbling slightly in the transition from kneeling to standing but was kept from falling by Kidoumaru, who had moved from his position against the tree and now had a grip on his right upper arm. After taking a moment to regain his balance, the Uchiha roughly pulled himself out of his subordinate's grasp. The scenery only spun a moment before righting itself and Sasuke was again able contemplate moving without feeling like he was about to throw up. By the look on the spider-nin's face, it was obvious Kidoumaru was still waiting for a response. Angry at his own weakness but unable to take it out on himself, Sasuke snapped, "I don't see how it's any of your business. I'm the commander. You answer to me. It doesn't work the other way around."

Kidoumaru threw his hands in the air. "Fine. Fine! Burn yourself out doing God-knows-what, I don't care, but do it when I'm not around. I'm not your babysitter, and I don't want to be held responsible when Orochimaru-sama finds your corpse in the woods some day after you- have you been eating properly? You look paler than normal."

"I ate a sandwich yesterday. What does that matter?"

"Yesterday? My God, you aren't very smart, are you?" From any other member of the Five, the comment would have come out contemptuous. Kidoumaru just sounded pitying. It didn't take Sasuke long to decide he hated pitying more.

"I skipped a few meals. So what? I did it all the time back in Konoha-"

"This isn't Konoha, Sasuke-sama. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if you were already in the later stages of anemia. Sure would explain the fainting. You've gotta eat something or you'll be on your deathbed by tomorrow. We probably have some leftovers in the third kitchen… no, that's wrong, Jiroubou finished off the steak this morning." For a moment, the spider-nin seemed stumped, but soon brightened as a thought occurred to him. "Guess we're going out to lunch."

----

Quite frankly, Sasuke hadn't even known a town was close enough to make going out to eat feasible, but in less than an hour Kidoumaru had led him to a small village that was somewhat on the seedy side but still looked like somewhere you could find something to eat. However, no matter how hungry Sasuke was, the building Kidoumaru dragged him into made the Uchiha far too uncomfortable to get much down. "Kidoumaru… why are we here?"

The older Sound-nin glanced up from his deep contemplation of the sautéed calamari in front of him with a look of confusion. "Why? To eat of course."

"Kidoumaru… this is a brothel."

The spider-nin blinked and looked around. "Really? Huh. Never noticed before. Always came here before because they didn't overcook the fish." The dark-skinned shinobi thoughtfully observed a scantily clad women stretching on the bar's countertop for several seconds before shrugging and turning back to his lunch. For a moment, Sasuke stared at his subordinate in disbelief, his embarrassment forgotten.

"Don't you care?"

"Not really. I'm freaky looking and both of us are underage. It's not like any of the women are going to approach us with offers or something. Geez, you're too tense. None of them are actually _naked_. How much of a prude can you be?"

It was after Kidoumaru not so discreetly told the rest of the Four about the incident that Sasuke- quite unwillingly- found himself forced onto Kabuto's prescribed dieting regime. The rather drastic improvement in his weight and muscle tone at first kept Sasuke from arguing too much whenever Tayuya thrust a hamburger in his face or Sakon handed him a glass of milk when he was thirsty instead of water, but the physical improvements didn't make up, in Sasuke's mind, for the downturn of his psyche. The dreams about beating Itachi (who ate dango to the exclusion of practically everything else) through the power of the food pyramid and daily flossing were bad enough, but when Sasuke in his off moments started wondering how the hell Naruto had gotten so strong when all the boy at was ramen (complex carbohydrates, for God's sake!), he knew something had to be done.

An opportunity to eat something with low food value soon came when Sasuke one day came across Kimimaro sitting quietly with a box of strawberry flavored Pocky by his side, sucking thoughtfully on one stick as he flipped through some tasteless magazine. When Sasuke angrily demanded to know why Kimimaro could eat sweets when it had been forbidden to the rest of them (out of the Kaguya prodigy's hearing, of course), Tayuya was the one who provided an answer, rolling her eyes as she caustically replied. "He's terminal, captain dumb ass. Kimimaro can eat whatever the hell he wants."

Truth be told, Sasuke didn't even like Pocky, but it had been months since he had tasted sugar and the cravings were becoming unbearable, so when the Uchiha later that same week came across a discarded box of Pocky (chocolate this time) with several sticks still inside, he didn't dare pass the chance up. Who knew when something unhealthy would again make itself available?

Later that night, Sasuke was dismayed to find himself with his face positioned over the toilet bowl, feeling nauseous and ill and wondering out loud why the Pocky had reacted so badly to his digestive system. He knew sugar was bad for him, especially now, but he had eaten three fucking sticks, not a box, for the love of God, so why the hell was he puking his guts out at three o'clock in the morning?

"It wasn't the Pocky; Kimimaro likes to poison his leftover snacks because he can be a bastard that way," The talking radish with Kidoumaru's voice explained.

Sasuke blearily looked up at the uncooked vegetable, squinting. "Why are you here?"

"I'm holding your hair back so you don't get half-digested Pocky and dinner all over it and have to take a shower. In your current condition, that would really suck."

"Holding my hair back?" Sasuke thought about it for a minute. True, his hair wasn't hanging in his face like usual, but that still didn't explain… "Since when do radishes have hands?"

There was a moment of silence. It was then that the jalapeño pepper to Sasuke's left (sounding an awful lot like Tayuya, for some reason) blew angrily out through its nose and swore. "Looks like Kimimaro decided to use the hallucinogenic drugs this time around. Fuck it all. There goes our training session tomorrow. I doubt Sasuke-sama will be able to _move_ in the morning, much less spar."

One of the two cooked omelets standing by the doorway gave a shrug. "Looks like you've got everything under control here, Kidoumaru. We're going to bed." It ambled out. The second omelet, identical to the first except for a small dash of paprika, soon followed.

Sasuke woke up the next day with a splitting headache and a solemn vow to never touch anything with little or no food value ever again. He managed to keep to it for almost a month, but then Sakon came across an (unpoisoned) package of buttered, heavily salted popcorn in the back of the pantry and was kind enough to share. As Sasuke happily dug his hand into the bowl of heart-attack inducing carbohydrates while Kidoumaru and Ukon argued over the merits of some lame martial arts movie from the sixties as the action commenced on the screen in front of them, he mentally rewrote the vow. From now on, he wouldn't eat anything unhealthy- unless it was his birthday or something. Or they found more popcorn. Either way.


	11. Fairy Tales

Author's Note: The challenge was make-believe.

Tayuya didn't believe in fairy tales or happy endings. She and her comrades weren't the guardians of a magical forest kingdom. Orochimaru-sama wasn't a just and honorable king. Kabuto wasn't a wise sage who would guide them unwaveringly on their path to save the world from evil. Kimimaro wasn't a kind and protective leader. None of them were going to die peacefully in their beds with a smile on their lips and peace in their hearts after a lifetime of joy and contentment. Life didn't work that way, especially for the inhabitants of Otogakure.

Tayuya didn't have any parents to rescue from a demon. She didn't have a knight in shining armor who would sweep her off her feet one day. All she had were a bunch of idiots she had been stuck with since she was six, none of whom were anything close to knightly, and chances were they were all going to die in some gruesome and horrible manner on some half-assed mission Orochimaru-sama sent them out on for a laugh, probably before any of them made it more than a year or two past puberty.

Tayuya wasn't an elven princess, with shining golden hair that hung past her knees and a marriage to a handsome prince in her future. She wasn't pretty. If anyone was to go by the insults Ukon and Sakon shouted at her back, she was barely even a girl. But sometimes... sometimes... Kidoumaru would smile at her after a mission, when they were all covered in gore and blood and usually at least one of them was hurt badly enough to have to be carried home. He would smile, and with the faintest hint of a blush that was barely visible against his dark skin, he would tell her that she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. And every time, Tayuya would snarl some insult back at him, calling him an imbecile and a halfwit and three kinds of stupid. But somehow... it was the only time that she was able to make herself believe, even though she knew it was a fairy tale as foolish as all the others.


	12. Improbable Discussion

Author's Note: This is the direct sequel to "Improbable Dilemma." What do you do when you set out to write a Temari x Sakon and end up with something much closer to Kankuro x Sakon? Well, responses may vary, but mine was to shrug and say, "Eh. I prefer slash anyway."

Kankuro had long come to the conclusion that Sakon was utterly insane. There was no other explanation for why he had chosen the same refuge as Gaara, the same place to go when being around people just got to be too much. It was practically suicide to risk being around Gaara when he was at his most antisocial, because when it came to Gaara, 'antisocial' and 'murderous' meant pretty much the same thing. Of course, when it came to Sakon, 'utterly insane' and 'completely genius' could very well work as synonyms, as not even Temari was willing to go up to the roof of the Kazekage's tower when there was a chance that Gaara was there. So in the end, Sakon got his privacy at the expense of his personal safety. Not that the white-haired pretty boy seemed to care, which was just plain _irritating_, when you got right down to it, considering how much fucking trouble Kankuro and Temari had gone to in order to convince Baki-sensei to just seal off the majority of Sakon's power instead of just killing him on the spot. How much trouble they had gone to in order to keep Sakon mostly out of Gaara's way until their little brother got used to having the Sound-nin around. It had been a _lot_ of trouble, but after Baki-sensei had finally decided not to slit Sakon's throat while he was still out cold, the Sand jounin had turned to Kankuro and told him straight-out that since Kankuro had been the one to spare the Sound-nin's life, he was the one responsible for him. Kankuro hadn't even had time to point out that Sakon was a present to Temari, and was therefore _her_ responsibility, not his. Not that Baki-sensei would have listened.

Sakon didn't make it easy, either. The first thing he had done upon regaining consciousness was throw himself at Kankuro and attempt to throttle him. It had startled Kankuro enough that the Sound-nin had actually managed to get his hands around Kankuro's throat before Temari stepped in and slapped the white-haired shinobi with enough force to knock him senseless. It was later, after the kid had gathered his wits about him, that he asked what had happened to his brother. Kankuro was angry enough about the bruises encircling his neck that he had answered with the truth. The disbelief that colored every plane of the slight shinobi's face had been sudden and fleeting. The sobs had lasted much longer and had almost been enough to make Kankuro feel something very akin to pity. Almost. But not quite. Kankuro had never possessed much in the way of empathy.

Another three days had passed before Temari had wrangled the Sound-nin's name out of him, and it took an additional four for Sakon to stop snarling at everything that moved long enough for Baki-sensei to even consider letting him out of the hospital wing. By then, Kankuro had seriously begun wondering what he had eaten that made him think bringing a Sound-nin home for Temari's birthday present was even remotely a good idea. Of course, by then Temari had decided she found Sakon both amusing and good eye candy, and if Kankuro listened to his elder sister on such matters, there was a depressing shortage of both in Sunagakure, so there was little chance of convincing her that getting rid of her new pet, her new, trained to kill people pet, was in their best interest.

So Kankuro had learned to live with it. Learned to live with the bitter glares that he got every time he entered a room (luckily Sakon turned out to be too smart to actually try and kill him after the first attempt; apparently there were some brains and survival instincts behind those pretty eyes after all). Learn to live with the distinct feeling of having an enemy sleeping down the hall. Learned to live with the fact that Temari had actually been taking his seriously when he had called Sakon a boy-toy (thank God she was willing to wait until the slight Sound-nin had stopped growing before actually doing anything. Some things were too horrible to visualize). Learned to live with being sent up to the roof of the Kazekage's tower every time Sakon disappeared because Temari did not want her brains scattered across the streets of Sand Village on the off chance Gaara was in an exceptionally bad mood, and because Sakon was 'his responsibility.'

It was only a fortunate turn of luck that Kankuro knew Gaara to be out of the village on a mission and therefore not brooding on the roof, so this time around he didn't hesitate on the landing before walking up to stand directly behind where Sakon was sitting, staring out at the desert that bordered Sunagakure. "Hey, pretty boy, Temari's looking for you."

Sakon's head turned, giving Kankuro a good look at the Sound-nin's profile. The nickname really was ridiculously apt. All of the injuries Sakon had sustained fighting against him had healed, so cleanly that they hadn't left a single scar. Why the Sound-nin bothered painting his face, here, where he was little more than a prisoner, was puzzling, but where he had gotten a hold of the paint was not. Kankuro may have had a nearly endless supply of Kabuki face paint, but he still noticed when some of it went missing, and Sakon made no effort to hide his raids into Kankuro's private quarters. Kankuro didn't particularly care; the fact that even with most of his chakra sealed, the Sound-nin could still manage to maneuver his way around the numerous traps Kankuro set in his room was impressive in a way that didn't necessary garner interest, but was enough for Kankuro to let the theft continue without interference. And Kankuro had to admit that the younger shinobi did look good like that, the different colors artfully applied, knew how to use the paint to full effect, to enhance, rather than to mask as Kankuro did.

However, the scowl tended to ruin it, more so because Sakon's usual defiance was absent from his eyes. He looked tired. Which just took all the fun out of it, really. Despite himself, Kankuro had to ask, "Something wrong?"

Sakon turned away to look back out at the desert. When he finally spoke, his voice was bereft of the expected vitriol. "I hate you."

Kankuro snorted and moved to sit beside the younger shinobi. "You aren't telling me anything I don't already know. I meant if there is something new you're sulking over."

Sakon closed his eyes. "I miss my brother." Kankuro couldn't quite restrain a flinch. It wasn't the words- he had heard them before, at night when wandering the halls and Sakon didn't think anyone else was around- it was the _way_ the younger boy said it. No shinobi had the right to sound so young. Kankuro wasn't stupid; Sakon had killed people before, wasn't anything near an innocent, but the desperate, helpless tone of his voice made the Sound-nin sound… lost.

Kankuro had always known, in a distant, implied sort of way, that Sakon was the younger of the pair of twins he had fought in the woods over three months ago. Older siblings were supposed to protect younger siblings. That was the way it was supposed to go. Not in his family of course, but his family was screwed up on so many levels Kankuro couldn't even begin to count them. Gaara was better than he used to be, but it would barely affect him, one way or another, if Kankuro died. It was usually a depressing thought, but as Kankuro looked sideways at the pale-haired shinobi sitting next to him, black, angry seals cutting off the boy's power visible at his wrists and neck, his eyes shadowed by his hair almost enough to hide the twin pathways of tears sliding down his cheeks, Kankuro couldn't help but think that it wasn't always a good thing for a family to be close. Some things just hurt too much to live through with your soul intact.

"Hey."

Sakon didn't react. When Kankuro reached over to touch the younger boy on the shoulder, it was Sakon this time who couldn't restrain a flinch. But it seemed to do some good, at least; the pale-haired shinobi's eyes flashed, and his tone this time around was filled with the usual amount of enmity. "Don't touch me."

Kankuro raised his hands in a placating gesture. He really didn't want to deal with this. He didn't _know_ how to deal with this. When Temari broke down, it was in private. When Gaara broke down, Kankuro got the hell out of the way. His family either did feelings big, violent and explosive, or not at all. But Sakon was his responsibility, so Kankuro did the best he could. "Alright. I won't."

They sat in silence for several minutes. Kankuro wasn't up here often- purposefully risking Gaara's wrath was something only done by the stupid, the crazed, and Sakon, though it could be argued that the former applied to the latter- but it was a nice view. The desert was a vast place, and beautiful in a way completely different from the forests of the Leaf country, which seemed to inspire an attitude of tranquility and harmony with nature. The desert, though… the desert was Nature, pure, undiluted, and likely to rip your head off at the slightest opportunity. A lot like Gaara, actually.

It wasn't long before out of the corner of Kankuro's eye, Sakon shifted, wrapping his arms around himself to try and keep out some of the chill that came with the setting of the desert sun. "I hate it here."

Kankuro shrugged. "Yeah, well, it isn't the easiest place to live, but it's home."

"Not for me."

It was then that Kankuro's patience, nigh infinite in battle but extremely limited elsewhere, ran out, and he bared his teeth in what could never be construed as a grin. "Your comrades are dead. Your leader had forgotten about you. Even if you did manage to leave the village, you would never make it out of the desert alive. Sunagakure _is_ your home now. Learn to live with it, because I'm really getting sick of these stupid forays to the roof."

Sakon's lip curled in an unconscious parody of Kankuro's sneer. "It's _you_ who brought me here."

"And I'm really starting to regret it."

"You should have left me to die with my brother."

Kankuro snorted. "Probably. But I didn't. So you're alive, even if your brother isn't. He's the one who saved your sorry ass. I just didn't bother finishing what I started. So blame him for this, if you're going to blame anyone." He shoved himself to his feet. "Personally, I think it's cold out and that we're missing dinner, and Temari is _still_ waiting for me to drag you downstairs so you two can play Parcheesi or whatever it is she wants, so let's _go_ already."

Sakon lip twitched, the shadows under his eyes fading. Well, at least it was an improvement over horribly depressed. "I've never actually seen a Parcheesi board since I got here." Nevertheless, he pushed himself to his feet. "I suppose I can't put it off forever."

Kankuro grinned, glad that… whatever it was, was finally _over_. "About time."

They headed for the stairs. This time, when Kankuro casually slung an arm over Sakon's shoulders, the younger boy didn't push him away. Temari would probably call it progress. Kankuro didn't really feel like calling it anything, but maybe bringing the kid home wasn't as bad an idea as he had originally thought. Hell… at least this could never get as bad as dealing with Gaara.


	13. Backrubs

Author's Note: Prompted by monoshiri's drabble on naruto100 for the 'demons' challenge. Requires a willing suspension of disbelief. Brief setup: Kidoumaru didn't die, he was brought to Konoha, healed, and he and Neji for some random reason decided they wanted to get it on.

There were several downsides to the Byakuugan that weren't widely known outside the Hyuuga clan. One was the bloodline limit's sole weakness, something the Hyuuga had to work around at best and hide at worst. Another was the strain the Gentle Fist style put on its practitioners.

It was not, Neji had to admit, as bad as the Lotus style. No Hyuuga in recent memory had landed himself in the hospital through use of the Heavenly Spin or the Sixty-Four Palms of the Hand alone unless they were doing it horribly, horribly wrong. However, the Gentle Fist style still put a great deal of stress on its wielders, as it forced them to move in ways that the human body just wasn't equipped to deal with. Though the discomfort was mild at first, it _did_ have a nasty habit of building up over time.

When Neji had first started on the arduous road to becoming a master of the Gentle Fist style, he had accepted this strain as a necessary evil. This mindset changed when he came upon an opponent who figured out the weakness of the Byakuugan in less time than it took most people to dress, and it only followed that after discovering one downside to the Hyuuga clan's fighting style, it wouldn't be long before Kidoumaru discovered the other. However, unlike before, this time around Neji didn't find himself with any regrets regarding the spider-nin's insightfulness.

Kidoumaru made a sympathetic sound as he rubbed at a particularly stubborn knot below his boyfriend's left shoulder-blade. "Man, you _are_ tense."

Neji hummed noncommittally at the back of his throat, too relaxed to bother with the effort of pulling his face out of the pillow to come up with a decent reply. Far from taking offense at the Hyuuga's unresponsiveness, Kidoumaru read Neji's silence as it was intended and dug the tips of his fingers more strongly into the pale-eyed boy's back. Neji had never been happier to be around someone who (a) could read body language with some skill, and (b) wasn't a relative. Then Kidoumaru found the kink in the Byakuugan user's neck that had been causing some headaches as of late, and Neji mentally underlined (b). Then he circled it and put a star next to it, as was only proper when his boyfriend's strong, supple hands worked out years of tautness, letting warmth spread throughout Neji's skull.

"Mm…" Neji didn't make a habit of letting his guard down enough to let sounds of contentment reverberate inside his chest, but he hadn't felt this at ease in… well… ever, and besides, no one but Kidoumaru was around to hear.

The spider-nin, thankfully, didn't do anything as uncouth as tense up in surprise, though he did laugh a little. "Enjoying yourself?"

Neji flicked his fingers in a gesture of agreement. For several minutes, there was silence as Kidoumaru worked over the lower part of the Hyuuga's back. Then… "You know, Neji… if giving you a backrub can make _you_ of all people stop being rigid for more than five minutes at a time, maybe if I give one to your uncle he'll stop glaring at me every time I come over." Neji's muscles tightened. Kidoumaru was no longer paying enough attention to notice. "Sometimes I think your entire clan should have an in-house masseuse. Perhaps then you'll all stop acting like you have sticks up your asses ninety percent of the time-"

The dark-skinned shinobi's musings were abruptly cut off when his boyfriend's hand shot out, grabbed him by the ponytail and pulled him into a very possessive kiss. It ended a few seconds later, but Kidoumaru was still somewhat in a daze when Neji placed his hands on the spider-nin's shoulders, looked into the former Sound-nin's eyes, and said firmly, "You are _not _giving my uncle a backrub."

Kidoumaru nodded amiably. "Sure."

"You are _never_ giving my uncle a backrub."

"Whatever you say, Neji."

"I don't care how much Hiashi-sama thinks you are a corruptive influence on me, I don't want you anywhere near-" Then Neji's eyes narrowed. They were pale enough for the effect to be dramatic. "You are never this agreeable."

"You never kiss me like that," Kidoumaru pointed out with a roguish smirk. "If you did that more I wouldn't argue with you so much."

Unable to argue with his boyfriend's infallible (as usual) logic, Neji lay facedown again on the mat with an irritated frown creasing the lines of his face. It managed to last all of ten seconds.

"Mm…"

"Your back is really messed up, Neji. Can't think of how bad your arms are." Even without his Byakuugan being activated, Neji could still tell when a sly grin slid across the spider-nin's face. He was familiar enough with Kidoumaru for that. "We might have to do this again next week, just so I can finish working you over."

As before, Neji was unable to come up with a spoken reply, but Kidoumaru again was able to read him just fine, and chuckled fondly as he pressed his thumbs into the tendons of Neji's thighs. "Good to know you think so too."


	14. Silence

Author's Note: The challenge was cruelty

His breath is harsh in his own ears. He is distantly aware that at least three of his arms are broken, and probably one of his legs. A more immediate thought is that he can't feel the comfortable weight of his hitai-ate tied to his forehead, if only because that is a more uncommon occurrence than a couple of snapped limbs. It is likely that he is only aware of those because his arms are bound behind them, and his vision blackens every time he shifts and a spurt of pain runs through his shoulders and along his spine. He is grateful for the pain. The promise of unconsciousness, there for the taking if he so chose, is comforting. Mostly because the roaring noise that accompanies it is the only thing that can drown out the sound of his breathing, and the relentless drone of the scarred behemoth before him.

"Tell me the location of Sound Village."

It is times like this that Kidoumaru wishes life was more like a VCR, complete with the ability to rewind. Or at least that it included a TV remote. He sure wouldn't mind a mute button right now.

The situation isn't at all funny. But Kidoumaru never has been able to hold back a smile at one of his own lame jokes. Even if it never leaves the vicinity of his own head.

The sight of his current victim grinning, however briefly, is enough to throw the interrogator off. "You find something amusing?"

Kidoumaru shakes his head. The interrogator continues on, accepting the grin as a temporary deviation in his victim's behavior. "In return for giving us information, we will provide you with..."

Kidoumaru pulls at the bindings on his arms, and the new wave of pain is kind enough to help him ignore whatever the scarred jounin is going to say next. He has been given enough training on the process of torture to know what strategy the interrogator is using. False hope. Emotional manipulation. Konoha is supposedly the most humane of all the shinobi villages, but that obviously does not apply when dealing with the enemy. With them, they are as cruel as they need to be.

He will not leave here alive. He knows that if he tells them what they want to know, he will die. It would still probably be a kinder fate than what they have in store for him if he continues to remain silent.

For a moment, Kidoumaru is tempted. But only for a moment.

His mind takes several minutes to recover from the agony of yanking at his broken arms, and by the time he is coherent again, the interrogator is gone, and Kidoumaru is alone again. The room is dark, and cold.

Somewhere, there is water dripping.


	15. For The Sake Of The Mission

Author's Note: Written for monoshiri's birthday.

Kidoumaru tilted his head sideways and squinted. "You know... I don't think pink is your color. Clashes too much with your hair."

Jiroubou stared at the spider-nin for several seconds, then down at himself. "... why are we doing this again?"

Sakon spat out the pins he was using to shorten his elder brother's straps before answering, "Orochimaru-sama's contact is meeting us at a cross-dressing bar. We need to evade notice as much as possible."

"Kidoumaru's right, though; pink doesn't suit you at all. Told you you should have gone for the green taffeta." Ukon offered his opinion with a completely straight face that lasted approximately five seconds before he degenerated into badly suppressed snickering. Sakon soon joined him, and Jiroubou abruptly found himself in the disturbing position of watching two of his (male) comrades laugh like loons, while looking... well, like girls. Makeup no different than usual, but somehow the matching red skirts and blouses made the face paint more feminine than it would have been otherwise. They, unlike himself and Kidoumaru (who was currently attempting to braid his hair and doing a rotten job of it), could actually pull the look off, but their deep voices made the image extremely... odd.

Then Jiroubou remembered he was being laughed at, and scowled. "Shut up. Like you two can talk. At least I don't actually _look_ like a girl."

The twins abruptly stopped laughing, and scowled back. Their looks had always been a sore spot for them.

Some nasty words might have been said (which wouldn't have been much different from usual, except it probably wasn't smart for them to get all riled at each other before a mission), except Kidoumaru, with his customary obliviousness-that-wasn't cut through the tension with a musing, "You know, this braiding thing is a hell of a lot harder than it looks. Think Kimimaro will help me if I asked nicely?"

"No," was said simultaneously by three different voices, and suddenly it was back to them being four guys in dresses and not a fight waiting to happen, and then all of them were laughing.

Kidoumaru got over it first, but was still gasping from lack of air when he asked, "I don't get this makeup thing either. Come do my mascara, will you, Sak-"

"Jesus, I've never seen such a big crop of fags congregate in one place before. What, is it mating season or something?"

Sakon rolled his eyes as he turned towards the door. "You'll be seeing a lot more drag queens where we're going, Ta..." he trailed off as he caught sight of his sole female teammate, and belatedly finished what he was going to say, "...yuya. Holy crap."

The unabashed awe in the younger twin's voice made the three other male members of the Sound Four turn to look as well. Kidoumaru's eyes widened. Ukon's mouth dropped open. Jiroubou gaped as well, but unlike the others, made a valiant effort to collect himself. "Dressing like that can't be lady-like."

Tayuya rolled her eyes. "That's kind of the point, fatass. We're going to a cross-dressing bar, after all."

Despite the many jokes that were made about Tayuya and her lack of femininity, even wearing a three-piece suit and fedora with her hair tucked in under the brim, there was no way in hell she could ever pass for a guy. The look she instead pulled off was, well...

"Son of a bitch, you're hot," Kidoumaru said, verbalizing the sentiments of pretty much the entire room. Then the spider-nin grinned, and sidled up to stand beside his red-haired, sharp-tongued teammate. "Care to show a girl a good time, handsome?"

Still scowling in Sakon's general direction, Tayuya absentmindedly sucker-punched Kidoumaru without looking. The dark-skinned Sound-nin doubled over immediately, wheezing, "I guess that's a no."

After getting over his own astonishment, Sakon did as previously requested and helped Kidoumaru (who was still massaging his stomach) with his mascara. Then, all of them finally dressed, painted, and otherwise prepared, they filed out of the room, Jiroubou sending Tayuya a puzzled, angry look as he did so, though it was mostly because of the contradicting messages his hormones and his brain were sending him (_God she's pretty in that suit_ and _That's not right_, respectively) instead of because what the red-head was wearing.

Kidoumaru exited last, passing Tayuya as he did so. Before he made it out the door, Tayuya grabbed him by his (poorly braided) ponytail and pulled him to a stop. The spider-nin looked at his female comrade inquisitively. "Yeah? What is it?"

"Yes."

Kidoumaru blinked. "Huh?"

By then the other members of the Sound Four were out of hearing range, so Tayuya didn't bother to whisper her next words. "Come to my room after the mission."

As understanding dawned, Kidoumaru felt a wide grin spread across his face. He watched Tayuya saunter (alright, so she didn't really saunter, but Kidoumaru thanked God for whoever made those pants) down the hall. At the end of it she stopped, and turned. "One more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Bring the dress with you."

_END_


	16. The Strawberry Shampoo Incident

Author's Note: The challenge was gender-bender.

"So let me get this straight," Kidoumaru said after a moment's pause. "You and Orochimaru-sama were working on a way to change someone's appearance without henge."

Kabuto nodded. "That was our goal, yes."

"And then some idiot mixed up the ingredients and caused you to use them in the wrong order."

"Said idiot will be thoroughly punished as soon as we find out who it is, I assure you."

Privately Kidoumaru vowed to not tell anyone about the little prank on what had been thought at the time to be an attempt to make a new brand of strawberry scent shampoo. Ever. "And then the fire was too hot for the new potion, and it evaporated into the air conditioning vents and spread throughout the base."

"Exactly."

"And all this happened eight hours ago."

"Orochimaru-sama is still crying in her rooms." Kabuto raised an eyebrow (slightly more arched and delicate than usual, perhaps) as she again surveyed the Sound Five's rec room. "I don't understand. How could you have not noticed for that long?"

Kidoumaru leisurely gave her teammates a once-over. Tayuya was screaming obscenities at a sullen Jiroubou by the television, on the couch Kimimaro was braiding her hair and humming a poem about camellias under her breath, and in the corner Ukon was painting Sakon's nails and lecturing her younger sister about the dangers of not taking proper care of one's cuticles. In the end, the only answer the spider-nin could give was a shrug. "I guess it was because... nothing seemed any different than usual."


	17. Cross Species Mating Practices

Author's Note: For beckyh2112

Usually, Kidoumaru didn't go for the tall, solemn types, but the glasses were cool and besides that, anyone who stopped some jackass from messing up a spider's web had to be at least somewhat decent. It was with that thought in mind that the Sound-nin sidled up beside the stranger (who was sipping on some tea and staring at the counter top) and offered to buy him a real drink.

The stranger said no, but at least didn't protest when Kidoumaru sat beside him. A one-sided conversation went on for several minutes, the stranger grunting periodically to Kidoumaru's chatter, but the man didn't seem adverse to his company, and on impulse Kidoumaru decided to take a chance, just for the hell of it. The stranger was a bit quiet for his tastes, but shit, in a town like this he was practically a godsend. "Any particular reason you're sitting alone in this crappy bar drinking ginsing?"

The stranger turned to look at him. His brow was furrowed slightly, though the glasses made his eyes unreadable. "I have business in the market tomorrow morning. This is all there is to do." He had not yet commented on Kidoumaru's arms, had barely even glanced at them, though unlike everyone else this seemed to be because of indifference instead of fear. Another point in his favor. Associating with people who were scared of him could be entertaining but also grated on Kidoumaru's nerves real fast.

Kidoumaru grinned. "I don't know about that." His grin shifted into a leer. "I can think of a couple things."

The stranger looked down into his cup of tea, and then his posture shifted. He pushed the tea away. "Show me."

----

The stranger stared down at the table with a puzzled air. "When you told me we were heading towards your room at the inn, I admit I'd assumed we were going to do something of a different nature." He then moved his pawn forward one space. It was a wasted effort, they both knew. The game was almost over.

Kidoumaru blinked. "Like what?" He moved his rook to check the stranger's king.

The stranger frowned. "Like sex, I suppose. I am working apart from my usual co-workers, and I have always had some curiosity about the 'one-night stand.' I had thought this a good opportunity to assuage that." He moved his king away from the rook's line of fire. Straight into a corner.

Kidoumaru smirked. "Oh, don't worry, the night is young yet." He moved his rook again. "Check mate."

The stranger stared at him, no longer paying the least attention to the game. "If you did bring me back here with that intent, why are we playing chess?"

After sending one last contemplative glance towards the chessboard, with a move of his arm Kidoumaru swept the game pieces onto the floor and crawled over the table to grab the stranger's coat by its lapels and pulled him close. Said stranger's expression didn't shift in the least, reinforcing Kidoumaru's first impression of the man. The blush was interesting though. Most interesting.

Kidoumaru was grinning as he ran one finger down the stranger's cheek and whispered in his ear. "Foreplay. What else?"


	18. A Forever Losing Battle

Author's Note: For des butterfly

Tayuya had turned her back and started to walk away before Kin even registered the pain in her legs. She had just felt something wet and heavy dribbling down her thighs and looked to see two kunai, one for each limb, both deep in the meat about a foot above the knee. Tayuya had very precise aim. Better than hers.

It had been raining for some time, had started hours before their spar, and it was mud that rushed up to meet her as she collapsed to her knees. It wasn't only her legs that hurt- Tayuya had broken at least two of her ribs and blacked one eye before she got tired of the one-sided battle- but the fight had barely gone on for five minutes, far too short a time, so Kin gritted her teeth and pulled.

She managed, just barely, to get one out, but the other was stubborn, and she was tired, and it was raining, and she could just barely see Tayuya now through the seemingly never ending downpour, and she was _still_ walking away, hadn't even acknowledged her victory, and-

"Get back here!" Kin struggled to her feet, only stumbling once. Her vision darkened, but her legs held. Barely. "Get back here! We're not finished yet!"

Tayuya stopped. Then she turned. Though her eyes were the brightest green Kin had ever seen, now they were dark and unreadable. "This fight was over before it started, bitch. You're weak, and not worth my time."

Kin shook. It was partly from the agony in her legs and ribs, and partly from the anger of being dismissed so easily and the humiliation of the same, and maybe just a little from fear, but still she shook. Her grip on the kunai, still dripping her own blood, didn't falter. "You're running back to Orochimaru-sama? Fine, I don't care. Go home, kid. I should've known you were too young to actually know what it means to finish what you started."

Tayuya's face contorted in an all-too familiar expression of complete fury. She pulled another kunai out of her belt, her only one left- the elite bodyguards of Orochimaru were not much for the common weapons- and shifted her feet. "You cunt, I should rip your fucking throat out for that."

"You're welcome to try." Kin didn't really care that what she had said was practically suicide. She was tired of being left behind in the mud, so pathetic that her opponents didn't even bother sticking around to gloat. She hadn't followed Orochimaru just to be discarded as easily as she had been by her family. If she was going to lose- and she was- it wasn't going to happen without Tayuya looking her at least once in the eye.

Tayuya frowned at her words, the scowl momentarily leaving her face. Kin couldn't be sure if it was because of the dizziness from the blood loss or just Tayuya's speed that caused the younger Sound-nin to blur in front of her. When Kin next heard Tayuya's voice, it was behind her. And the next thing she felt was the heat of Tayuya at her back and the sharp edge of a blade at her throat.

"You're an idiot." Tayuya stated the words factually, with none of her usual scorn. "You will never be able to win against me. You're too weak."

Kin didn't let herself flinch, though her shaking increased and her kunai dropped to the dirt. Blood continued to run down her legs, and the ground around her was stained a watery red. "If I'm so weak, why'd you come back?"

Tayuya didn't reply.


	19. One Sided Dichotomy

Dosu was in the process of re-wrapping his face after taking a shower when the door to the room he shared with his team opened without warning. Dosu, feeling irritated- he'd told Zaku a thousand times to knock before coming in, but the idiot never listened- turned to snap out a sarcastic retort, but stopped cold when he saw who was standing in the threshold.

The elite bodyguards of Orochimaru-sama didn't often venture into the wing of Sound Village which housed the regular soldiers. They resided closer to the throne room, in order to be able to attend on their lord whenever they were needed. Dosu hadn't spoken to any of them personally before except the dark-skinned spider-nin who occasionally walked past the training grounds and offered unwanted critiques to his team. Dosu had barely even seen this one. Rumors persisted as to the role of the pale-haired, painted boy among his comrades. Some said he led the elite cell. The daring, noting his delicate features and slight build, snickered about sexual favors and what Orochimaru-sama did with his bodyguards behind closed doors.

Looking into Sakon's eyes now, Dosu knew that without a question that those rumors were a load of bullshit. Catamites didn't examine you as if trying to think of the best way to kill you without getting any blood on their clothes.

This room was Dosu's domain. The whole wing was far more his territory than the elite's, so even with Sakon's superior rank he should have had the advantage, but with his face exposed and the elite's beauty making him even more aware than usual of his scars, Dosu didn't feel anything but vulnerable. "What are you doing here?"

Sakon frowned and stepped inside, his gaze shifting from Dosu to look around the room, his eyes lingering on the ratty furniture, the dirty floor, the holes in the walls. Dosu restrained the urge to flinch, reminding himself with an effort that whatever the elite's rank now, he probably hadn't any nobler origins than Dosu, rumors of a bloodline limit or not. "This is where you live?"

Sakon's tone was empty of scorn, but Dosu still scowled, making his scars pull painfully. "Yes."

It was a little too late that Dosu registered the insolence in his voice, and as he watched the elite's delicately arched eyebrow raise, Dosu reminded himself that Sakon was well within his rights to kill him on impulse. The benefits of rank.

The weak had to succumb to the strong or die. This was the way of the world, and Dosu didn't want to die here, in his room, but it was with his team in mind that he bowed, his gaze towards the floor. "I apologize for my disrespect. Your presence surprised me, Sakon-sama."

Sakon didn't reply, but just walked over to stand in front of Dosu, close enough to touch. It was pure reflex that when the elite reached out to grasp his lowered head by the chin, Dosu grabbed his wrist. "Please. Don't."

Sakon frowned. Dosu held his breath, but instead of getting angry all the elite did was smirk. "You are interesting." He looked down at his wrist, and Dosu loosened his grip. Sakon turned away, and went back to the door.

Dosu felt the tension begin to leave his shoulders, but at the last moment the elite turned and looked at him again. "Your team is leaving for Konoha tonight to enter the Chuunin Exams. Start getting together your supplies."

Dosu blinked his one good eye. "Ah... thank you."

The elite nodded and moved to go. It was with the last vestiges of his courage that Dosu asked, "Orochimaru-sama sent you to tell me this?"

It was with his back turned that Sakon shook his head. "I came of my own volition." He looked over one shoulder, his smirk still gracing his flawless, beautiful features. It was almost enough to make Dosu feel resentment, that the elite was so perfect when he was so flawed, but he had lived a life too long and too hard to not know that a delicate face could be far more disastrous than one covered in scars. "Your genin cell is weak. But you might have some potential. Maybe."

Then he was gone. Dosu stood a long time in the poor lighting, his face uncovered. His scars burned from the unaccustomed exposure, but Dosu knew it was all in his head, a crutch. If he was ever going to become as strong as the elite, he couldn't allow himself that weakness forever.


	20. Another Kind of Strength

Author's Note: For dark puck

The burning in her chest was spreading. Sakura had spent long hours studying the workings of the human body, and she knew what the burning meant.

If she had all her chakra reserve, if by some miracle what she was feeling wasn't the failing of her heart from a hand going through her chest, then she might have been able to heal the damage. She wasn't the Godaime Hokage's protege for nothing. But she didn't have any chakra left, having spent an hour regenerating Naruto's leg, only to have him go back out and die skewered on Sasuke's sword, his blood leaking out of him as Sakura watched from a distance, his blue eyes fading (why hadn't he used the Kyuubi? Why? He could've won, could've killed-), his life leaking out of him-

But the hand hadn't missed her heart. Kabuto, for all his brutal uses of his talent, was a medic-nin as well. And he didn't miss.

Sakura coughed and felt the blood dribble down her chin. Sign of internal damage, the analytical part of her brain noted. Had to be treated within the hour or doomed to be lethal.

She would have laughed, except she knew that all that would come up was more blood.

"Why?" The word came out in a whisper. Sakura's chest- what remained of it- felt too tight to draw breath.

Kabuto looked at her. His hair fell loose around his shoulders and he had lost his glasses at the beginning of their fight, but despite that his eyes remained focused. The glasses had most likely been a hoax. Something to fool the opponent. Sakura had to admit to their ingenuity. She had been surprised when the Sound-nin had failed to hesitate when his glasses fell to the ground, cracked neatly in half at the nose piece. That surprise was the reason that there was a cut on her forehead that continually leaked blood into her left eye.

His hand was still in her chest as he responded calmly, "Why what, Sakura?"

His reply, so empty of _anything_, be it cruelty or satisfaction or, hell forbid it, compassion, made the words pour out of her, her voice growing weaker and weaker with each word she spoke to the man with even less humanity than his immortal master. "Why would you betray Konoha and join Orochimaru? Why would you help him destroy the village that used to be your home? Who do you think you are, to do this to us?"

His gaze was steady as he met her eyes. "Konoha was never my home. As for who I am.. ?" He smiled. "I am the man who is helping to bring about the downfall of the most powerful shinobi village in the world. Anything else about me you have no right to know, Sakura. Even if you are about to die."

Sakura closed her eyes. She couldn't feel anything anymore. "That's good. I wouldn't... want to..."

Kabuto frowned. "What?"

It was then that he looked down and noticed the kunai shoved below his ribs. His eyes widened. The cough that followed was flecked red. "You shouldn't... have the strength to do that after your heart is gone."

Sakura smiled, and pulled out the kunai. Blood splayed, and the Sound-nin fell to his knees, his eyes already gone dull. "I don't have the strength... to do a lot of things, Kabuto-san. But getting just this little revenge for what you did to me, and my comrades... that I can do."

Sakura's smile didn't waver as she collapsed on top of the man who had killed her. Her heart was gone, yes. But Naruto was dead, Kakashi was dead, and Sasuke wasn't the boy she had loved anymore, and maybe never had been. Her heart had died with them, and it was from pain, long festered within her from the long ago betrayal of her innocence and the years of despair that followed, that she had drawn her strength. Love was stronger than hate. But hate was all she had left.


	21. The Meaning of Genius

Author's Note: For rayemars

Kidoumaru read a lot of books. Most of them were from Orochimaru-sama's personal library, history books on the various wars, strategy texts written by the greatest generals of their era, that sort of thing. Orochimaru-sama approved, of course; Kidoumaru was the only one of the Sound Five who had shown the least interest in the large scale side of battle, in how to wage a full-fledged war against entire villages instead of small skirmishes with only a few opponents.

Even more importantly, Kidoumaru knew how to apply the knowledge he acquired. Not really much opportunity to do so in a cell of only five people (or six, though not officially), but he played strategy games frequently, chess or shouji or go. And he always won. This pleased Orochimaru-sama even more, so much that one evening when Kidoumaru was twelve, after beating Kabuto at chess for the first time, he had overheard his master telling the medic-nin that he planned for Kidoumaru to be moved from the bodyguard unit to the command tower after he reached his majority. The word 'genius' had come up more than once.

Kidoumaru had been pleased, at first, though the thought of leaving his team made him twinge a little. Still... Orochimaru-sama used the word 'genius' when referring to Kimimaro as well.

Kidoumaru hadn't used to focus purely on practical readings. Sometimes he had sneaked down to the civilian village closest to Sound Village and bought novels. Mysteries, adventure... it hadn't matter. Sometimes it felt better to read something mindless, something that didn't require him to think. It was after a few months of reading the insipid, unrealistic civilian books about love, battle, and everything else a civilian couldn't possibly understand like a shinobi could that Kidoumaru had realized something. Civilian authors only used the word 'genius' when referring to the intellect. For fighters... 'talent' at best. Never genius. And it was always implied that 'genius' would win over 'talent.'

It was then that Kidoumaru threw all his novels away. Before, he had found the pure fancy, the unrealistic plots and always happy endings to be a comfort, an escape from real life. But the idea that a genius would always win over 'talent'... that was intolerable.

No matter how much smarter Kidoumaru was than his comrades, it didn't matter when it came to fighting talent. For a shinobi, talent was always better than genius. He had scars enough to know that.


End file.
